Well I'm still here which is more than can be said than for some of the characters previously mentioned on this blog......The poacher managed to climb back on the wagon and spent a week in bed ill as hell with alcohol poisoning. he denied all the vile things he said when drunk ...which in short all referred to the ending of this relationship.....and though he never said any of the things a less jaded and cynical me would once have liked to hear, he did say he didn't want to be alone...and neither do I ...so we are still together...being kind to each other, never arguing , but me constantly waiting for him to inevitably up sticks and depart on an age appropriate adventure..which of course i could never get in the way of...
So I still do battle with myself..... Why am I always made to feel so clingy....all I ever wanted was to be in a relationship with someone who had reciprocal feelings and wanted to appreciate mutual care....I have my own life....my own friends....Is a loving equal partnership an impossibility in the 21st century ?
I'm self supporting, self sufficient......aahh never mind...I finally accept that for some of us (most of us ?) this never happens...
Well it does...and then it proves to be an illusion and is ripped away....
Anyway poor me blah blah.....it isn't that tragic.....just annoying....
So I went into battle with those that gave him drink...and battle lines are still drawn as far as I am concerned...he agreed he needs to avoid the parasites he used to call friends....and I have accepted that I can't police his every move and it is up to him who he sees...but...two individuals in particular I can't forgive..on my behalf not his...they laughed at my pain.....I shake when I see them....
and now one of the drinkin buddies is dead....at 41....due to drinkin and drivin..and suddenly this tragic sad and lonely figure has become everybody's hero......
I can not attend the funeral..it is a farce...the drunken friends battling with the mother about where he should be buried...shameful !
Once again I bite my tongue...I have been to too many funerals this year..
