Tears run like jewels
each holds my tiny world
until they burst.
Posts archive for: 9 March, 2008
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Transmutation
@ 2008-03-09 – 22:27:36
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Lonely Runner
@ 2008-03-09 – 22:25:02
Warm breeze, like fingers
pushes my hair back
I long for his touch. -
A Blue Sunday
@ 2008-03-09 – 22:22:37
Going to the city really doesn't do me any good I have thought about him all day....and cried and sweated and yearned and burned. Will it really end ?
It is so hard resisting contacting him. I miss him so much.I miss his voice and the way we fitted together so well, so close, that there wasn't room to slide a knife between us...or so I thought....
I still can't fully believe I will have to live my life without him, after waiting so long to find him... it is as if I have had half of myself torn away.
If only I could go back and change the way things unravelled..of course with hindsight I see things so clearly now...what I should have done...but would it really have made any difference?..The little voices kept on telling me he wasn't really in it from the start despite what he said...Why didn't I listen? Was this self destructive implosion inevitable ?....It isn't what I wanted..I wanted space and time to give this relationship a chance. It hurts like hell that he cast it off so easily with no discussion as if it were just about him, what he wanted.
I definitely should have thrown him out when I found the e-mail to his ex-girlfriend...he either would have respected me more and tried harder....or I could have saved myself the humiliation and expense of Christmas...it was my own fault for not knowing when to say enough....and for loving him too much.But at least it inspired haiku.....
